I found this card at the pharmacy today and it was good.This is perfect.
I feel like I need something business card-sized like this. “Sorry, I’m not avoiding you, I just can’t carry on a conversation and fight to get out of bed in the morning.”
^^^ I’m all for the business card size
I’m gonna start making the business card sized ones.
Ok so these already exist and are totally awesome and are made by my totally awesome big sister’s company. Seriously, check out her website.
I know this is something that has been said many times before, but recent posts by the fantastic thefrogman inspired me to repeat it once again.
Men’s issues, and I cannot stress this enough, are not the fault of women.
Let’s take the example of men who are victims of assault or abuse at the hands of women. These men are often mocked, ridiculed, or not taken seriously. But this is not because of women, or feminism. Men is these situations are mocked because society teaches us that men are strong and women are weak, and so when a ‘strong’ man is beaten by a ‘weak’ woman, then it’s laughable. It is considered to be the man’s failing for not being a ‘real man’, for not being strong enough to hold off a weak and feeble woman. And what defines a ‘real man’? Why, avoiding any traits associated with femininity of course!
Think about it. You notice how so many of the things that men are looked down on or mocked for by society are things that society typically associates with femininity? Being a stay at home dad, being physically weak, being emotional, being sensitive, being romantic, loving, caring. Men are mocked for these things not because of women who hate men, but because of a society that looks down on women. A society that creates criteria for what makes “a real man” based on avoidance of female traits. After all, being likened to a woman is the biggest insult a man can receive. Being called a ‘pussy’ is expected to drive a man to prove the insult wrong in a way that no other insult is. A school boy who is considered ‘feminine’ will be mocked, despised, and ostracised far more than anyone who is considered ugly, unintelligent, or any other attribute that society teaches us to look down on.
And so you see, the problems that men face are not examples of misandry, or the fault of ‘feminazis’, but are the result of societal misogyny and patriarchy. They are the result of ‘femininity’ being looked down on, and therefore men being looked down on for behaving ‘like women’. This is why feminism is your ally in this, not your enemy. Feminism wants to remove the negativity associated with gender, and the idea that certain genders should behave in certain ways. If feminism accomplished its goals then the issues men face would come crumbling down along with the rest of the patriarchy.
If you really care about men’s issues and equality, then look beyond your own pride and sense of entitlement and help feminism. Let your voice lend a new perspective within a movement trying to find the best way to improve society for everyone.
If all you care about is keeping women ‘in their place’, then carry on supporting ‘Men’s Rights’ movements, and watch as your actions just reinforce the very problems you complain about.
I believe that there are a small group of women who hate men just for being men. I believe that the textbook definition of the word misandry fits that description. I believe there are bad things that happen to men. I believe those issues should be addressed. I do not believe that a fringe group of women who hate men can be blamed for those issues.
Misandry was a dead word until recently. A group of men who feared the progress of feminism revived the word and used it to undercut the movement. They like having the power being a man provides and they don’t want to lose that. So they created a movement, found a bunch of legitimate issues that affect men, and tried to blame women for those issues. They called this misandry. It’s like conservatives using buzzwords like “death panels” to make people fear health care. They let people assume it meant Obama wanted to kill your grandma. They let their cute little phrase infect the minds of good people and convince them of falsehoods.
People are telling me that men cannot report rape without getting laughed at. They say this is misandry. It is the fault of women who hate men. But that just doesn’t make any sense to me. When I seek a logical explanation, it seems more likely that this is because men are supposed to be strong and women are supposed to be weak. And rape has been viewed as something that happens mostly to women. So if it does happen to a man, they must be weak. How did this idea of men=strong and women=weak start? I’m pretty sure it wasn’t because of misandry. It is an ancient patriarchy collapsing in on itself.
Feminism is about fighting inequality. It’s about erasing the strong/weak perception ingrained into our society. Misandry, as the term is often used today, is about trying to blame women for anything bad that happens to men.
If you want to fight to fix issues that affect men, go for it. But I would really consider distancing yourself from this term. It is used to evangelize folks into a movement that is very problematic. A group that can’t handle scrutiny of their comic books and video games, so they send death and rape threats. A group that calls women sluts and think they ask for rape if they show too much cleavage. Those are the people who coined this term, and you should want nothing to do with them or their language.
This is one of the best responses to this sort of question I’ve ever seen
- Societal expectations of masculinity
- Societal expectations to provide for women
- No long term reversible male birth control
- Men who are raped are more likely to remain silent and be dismissed or outright laughed at
- Unfair treatment in child custody battles
- No support for male victims of domestic abuse
- Media portrayal of married men as weak morons
Not men’s issues
- The friend zone
- Women not dating you
- “Fucking femnazis”
And what do all the actual men’s issues have in common? They’re the result of patriarchy.
And this is what bothers me about the Men’s Rights movement. It’s not that there are not serious societal issues that should be dealt with, because there are. And there’s no problem with wanting to personally focus on those issues rather than other issues, in the same way that there’s no problem with donating only to a charity that supports only whales, even when there are many other endangered species.
But the problem is that from the outset MRA’s set themselves as opposition to feminism, and even somehow decided that feminism was part of the problem. How can you attempt to correct social issues when you are so incapable of identifying their cause? It’s like Save The Whales starting a vicious campaign against the WWF, blaming them whales’ extinction. Feminism and Men’s Rights activism should go hand in hand, both trying to address societal views on gender, but MRAs make this impossible by intentionally blinding themselves to anyone’s issues but their own, and then completely miss-attributing the blame for those issues!
By doing this they turn themselves into part of the problem. You have feminists pointing out how male-centric society is, being ridiculed by a group of men complaining about how the conversation isn’t centred around men. The very men who are so bothered by the effects of patriarchy on their own gender appear to be determined to perpetuate the effects of it against the other gender. They complain that male rape victims are not taken seriously and then mock and victim-blame female rape victims. They complain about women being wary of unknown men, and then threaten rape on those who disagree with them. Do you not see? YOU are the problem. YOU are the authors of your own demise. Until you actually make the effort to identify the cause of the problems you fight you will never make progress, and yet to seem to only try and battle symptoms.
Men’s Rights should be a valuable alternative/additional perspective within feminist discussion, but has turned itself into a perfect representation of the patriarchy, the very thing that’s causing these problems in the first place.
If only we knew, Diana.
I still get this all the time.
If the focus is off of dudes for even a moment, it’s because I hate men.
Which I don’t, I think guys are swell.
If you’ve ever seen a protest of a Warren Farrell talk or any MRM group you will see that feminists hate it when the focus is on men for a second. Of course feminism isn’t the same as gender equality, but I guess many people think it is. I’ve heard, at these protests, feminists say “why do men need a ‘mens space’?” In the context that men should go to feminist spaces instead of MRM spaces. So it’s not that gender equality=misandry, it’s that the way feminism goes about gender equality is usually at the expense of men.Hahaha, good one! Oh, wait. You’re serious with this?
We don’t need a men’s space because the whole fucking world is a men’s space!
And it’s been said a million times, the problems that MRA’s complain about are almost all the result of the very same patriarchy that feminism is fighting against.
[leaves this here and backs away]
[Dances around post throwing confetti]
My biggest goal for when I’m a teacher is that my pupils don’t see my classroom as a place where they memorise facts for exams. All knowledge can be fascinating and engaging when you’re learning for the sake of personal knowledge rather than getting a different letter at the end of the year.
Or just how to annoy an atheist.
Actually, surprisingly enough I really quite like this link. It’s a whole lot better than I expected when I clicked on it. Rather than a strict guide for how to convert an atheist it reads more like a guide to have honest and open debate with an atheist. The advice and guidance this piece gives are genuinely good. It also is incredibly respectful of atheism: it point’s out to the reader that it is likely that an atheist will have excellent knowledge of the bible, and it tells the reader to “allow the atheist to try and convert you”. Obviously many atheists wouldn’t see debate as attempted conversion, but at least this encourages the other party to actually listen and respond to counter arguments. It also advices against using obviously false evidence, and cites irreducible complexity, and advises the Christian to properly understand what atheism is via atheistic sources, rather than just what they hear from the pulpit.
Obviously very few atheists enjoy people trying to convert them, it is not a pleasant experience. But I get that some people will always try and convert people anyway and in all honesty if people trying to convert me followed this guide I would not mind it nearly so much, in fact I would welcome the discussion. This is respectful and non-patronising (an incredible rarity) and encourages healthy and respectful debate.
My one addition though would be consent. If you are trying to ‘convert’ [read: open debate with] someone and it makes them uncomfortable or they aren’t interested, then just stop. Debate and discussion is great, but if only one of you is participating then that’s just harassment.
I know there’s someone else he should be apologizing to, but I just can’t put my finger on it. Give me a minute, I’m sure it’ll come to be eventually…
what a fucking piece of shit
That’s real? That’s his apology?
Holy shit this is actually real… I just assumed it wasn’t…
But this just shows that he still doesn’t get it! This was after he was sentenced to prison, after being declared a sex offender, and was a statement he had thought about and written previously, and he still doesn’t seem to realise that he shouldn’t have raped that girl!
How deep does rape culture have to go for someone to be a convicted rapist and still believe that their crime was taking photos of it.
Wow, thank you so much, it’s always nice to know that people appreciate my blog enough to notice when it goes silent.
I actually have 6 partly written pieces in my drafts folder, and several more buried somewhere on my computer, and I have every intention of posting more generally by reblogging stuff and adding commentaries etc. It’s not like I’ve abandoned tumblr, I still spend the vast majority of my time browsing my dash and various tags, I just tend to forget that I should be posting stuff as well.
So yes, I do have things in the works, and I do intend to post more, but when this will happen I have no idea.
Thanks for the message! Hugely appreciated.
And I’m still loving your blog.
I feel that as someone in a position of privilege (be it male, white, straight or anything else) it is important not just to be aware of one’s privilege, but also to recognise the limitations of that awareness.